1 AM THOUGHTS

I am in love with this man. I’ve never loved someone this much in my life before and realizing it makes me in tears. Sad part is he’s 2686 miles away from where I live. And plus, I watch and know him through screens and this one time not that close and literally he has no idea what I look like.

Yep. You guess it right. He is a famous person often so-called Korean idol. Why an idol? and why Korean idol? Well, there’s a technical answer for this but Imma go with the religious one. Because I’m destined to admire a Korean idol.

This is literally 1 am right now when I write this and I feel like like writing at this hour because whats in my mind keeps coming out into words I cant express in daytime. So back with my topic of this story. BANG CHAN. That’s the tweet. That’s the man I was talking about and I’ve been loving since the beginning of Aug,2018.

Man, the amount of love I have for this man is unbelievably crazy for a person like me who, first, never falls in love, second is never touched by a guy who fully loves her, and have no idea what it’s like to be attracted by a man. I mean lets get real here. Okay, there’s technically nothing real in being whipped for a man who physically doesnt feel human at all. BUT SOMEHOW I FEEL THE LOVE IS REAL I FEEL HAPPY WHEN HES HAPPY I FEEL EXTREMELY PROUD WHEN HE ACHIEVES SOMETHING I FEEL SURPRISINGLY TURNED ON BY HIS ATTRACTIVE WAY OF THINKING, IM SO FUCKING SAD WHEN HES HURT OR INJURED. I FEEL THE EMOTIONS OF A GIRL WHO IS MAD IN LOVE WITH A GUY and for so many times, I think it’s annoyingly sad because we can never be really together. Not even in my dreams. Not even in my imaginations. (My imaginations isnt wild)

Why am I awake thinking just how come I have so much love for him? What God has prepared for me by making me love a person named Bang Chan????? I have no fucking idea.

--

--

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store